Weird how family always get stuck in the same rut. I got in an argument with my dad yesterday over nothing. Again.
With people you've known for so long, it's obvious there will be ups and downs. To have a real relationship with anyone you have to forgive. But what is the mature thing to do when somebody says something that is clearly untrue.... I always did this... I never did that... that never happened...?
Like on that Christmas dinner, when my dad was showing off to the guests that he never beat his children (a rare thing in Jamaica). Was it wrong of me to correct him?
"Actually you never beat your son. You beat me all the time."
"That's because you were bad." He replied.
An answer like that says that he didn't misremember; he was trying to reinvent and whitewash the past. That, for some reason, gets deep under my skin. And clearly, me correcting him gets under his skin.
This would be easier if I didn't remember. But one of the bad things about journaling your entire life is that you never forget.
Yesterday's argument wasn't about the beating. It was him asking about if he ever sent me to school without lunch money when I was young. He did. Many times. Once with the advice that I should, "consider it a day of prayer and fasting." But when I said that, the conversation quickly devolved into him accusing me of being ungrateful - him having paid so much for me to go to college and all that - and unappreciative of my privilege.
Later, I heard him loudly talking to my mother, saying that I was resentful, psychotic, and needed counseling. That he was never going to give me anything again; he was going to keep his money for himself.
I know I am privileged. Very much so.
I also think I just got disowned.
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