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The Watcher by Charles Maclean

Fatigue

I always wonder why I'm in grad school, when I've never really liked classes. Honestly, I hate tests, I can't stand class-time and some of the few moments of unhappiness in my life have occurred performing the busy-work that is HOMEWORK.

I was especially feeling the burn this week, when I got really frustrated with a prof docking a ridiculous number of points on an assignment not for doing anything wrong, but for "lack of detail. When asked, the lack of detail he spoke of was me not repeating facts we had fully established in class. This saddens me. I'm even more saddened by the fact that at the ripe old age of the age I am, I still have to fuss about POINTS on HOMEWORK!!!!!

If all goes well, I'll be done with classes forever come June. Does that mean I can't/shouldn't check out now?

In other news, one of my friends from high school just got engaged. Seems I have to save up for another trip to Malaysia. 2013!!!

Disappointing

One of my students sent me an angry email about me giving her 80% for attendance to-date when she's only missed one class. I replied that there have only been 5 classes so far. #thisiswhyweneedmath

In other news... it's in the 60s in Nebraska in January. Clearly these are the end of days.

Math Nerd Time: Mobius transformations

With a little outside the box/dimension thinking, something difficult becomes easy to grasp.... and oh so pretty

Painting in 3D

Yes

That thing I was wishing for... I got it! The person I wanted agreed to take me on as a student. Now, I just have to convince him to take me with him on his travels.

New Business

There is this article about our generation... "Generation sell" they say. That the essence our generation is the essence of the saleman. Our generation thinks about owning our own business more than any other. Maybe that's because that is the only way to really ensure a future... working for someone else is no longer all it's cracked up to be.

So it is that I am returning to Jamaica for Thanksgiving to start a business with my brother. I will be grad student by day; greentech entrepreneur by night. Sounds implausible? So's a Jamaican girl studying math in Nebraska.

Cheerio

Retired confessions with a little Buddhism

Today I retire the confession: "I self-sabotage. I know what must be done, and sometimes I just don't do it... does this mean I have problems, or that I just don't want the things I think I want?"

All this time in the Midwest has helped me sort out what my desires really are. The painful part of admitting your desires, is admitting the chance you will never have what you want. It's easier to want nothing - that's how the Buddhists deal with life after all - but is it better? Jury's out.

But now I do know that when I self sabotage, it's because I just don't want what I'm pretending to want. I am undisciplined and stubborn.


Now I must confess: Sometimes I fake emotions. I wonder if they can tell.

I wish I wish I wish

There are a couple things I REALLY want right now. They each have the potential to change my life completely. I am powerless before them. I can't play it cool or feign nonchalance. I WANT. I WISH. I HOPE. I PRAY. I am helpless. I am naked.

How do you feel about being a woman? Missrepresentation...

Miss Representation 8 min. Trailer 8/23/11 from Miss Representation on Vimeo.

Another Historical Moment is a'coming

courtesy of the BBC online

LINK

What will the UN do?

Overling

Sorry I've been MIA. I just sat my QUALs (huge qualfying exams for the Math PhD). Plus, it's summer, I have a new job teaching in Omaha and I'm helping a friend with a project over at www.overling.org. Feel free to email them with your ideas. I think it's gonna be Ginormous.

Stay tuned.

School's Out w/ girl talk

School's out, summer is here and I have been taking out the warm-weather clothes. I finally have to come to terms with how wide my ass has gotten over this winter :).

Time to exercise and prepare for my qualifying exams. Soon I'll officially be a svelte and sexy Math PhD candidate.

Oh, have you seen the Girl Talk Album HERE? I went to a concert of his a couple years ago (All Points 2008). Good times had by all.

Lady Gaga

I went to a Lady Gaga concert in Omaha over St Patricks day. She actually does have a beautiful voice and wonderful stage presence... you just have to not get distracted by the weird things she said, the blood and the flaming pianos.

She announced that she was going to a bar after the show. She actually showed up and did a mini performance (see below). THAT was a great night!!!

Old confessions

Today I retire my old confession:

"I didn't know before, and I wouldn't like to admit it, but I am emotional and naive. My intuition has been my guide to-date. Now that I don't trust it anymore, I am lost"

I think I have come to peace with the fact that I am emotional. It turns out that my emotions are sometimes wiser and more instructive than my faux-solid logic.



Instead, I have to come to terms with a fact and a question that:

"I self-sabotage. I know what must be done, and sometimes I just don't do it... does this mean I have problems, or that I just don't want the things I think I want?"

One of the coolest things I ever did see.

...And all without formal tertiary education. This is what genius looks like:

Bad decisions for love...

One of my friends, got into school and told me that her boyfriend was planning to move with her when the time came. They do not live together now, but certainly will then, and she seems just too excited about the idea. A couple of months ago, she had made the decision that they would not move in together until he got a job. That situation has not changed, but she has clearly softened her position.

As the heartless pragmatists that I am, I think it's a good idea not to move one's emotionally dependent, oft depressed, unemployed bf into one's home, especially when that would necessitate some financial dependence. But, maybe that's why I'm still single. If it makes her happy, is it a bad idea? I suppose time will tell. But that's the problem with 20/20 hindsight, it accounts for info you couldn't possibly have had at the time. Within reason, are there REALLY any bad decisions when it comes to pursuing love?

And clearly the stakes have changed. Maybe it's "better" for him to move in with her, than for her to move out of his life...

The African American Male...

I have been doing some high-school algebra class observations, to learn more about the teaching experience. I'm tagging along with an old expert teacher and we often debrief with someone at the school to discuss what we saw and learned.

We've been recently watching this one teacher who seems to have complete control over the class (real impressive to watch) and in the debriefing the old expert teacher applauded his use of eye contact, and with one reference to one student interaction:

" We're told, the number one rule with African American males.... you have to look them in the eye, acknowledge them and honour their presence."

That seems like a good way to treat anybody really. But, do people really have a special rule book they use on how to interact with the African American male? Is what the African American male wants acknowledgement and honour?

How would I know... I'm not even American.

Funny (NYT)

Article talking about the Bahrain protests. Below is a quote talking about the signs that Sunni minority has been oppressing the the Shia majority:

"Here in Bahrain, we have been in bed with a minority Sunni elite that has presided over a tolerant, open and economically dynamic country — but it’s an elite that is also steeped in corruption, repression and profound discrimination toward the Shia population. If you parachute into a neighborhood in Bahrain, you can tell at once whether it is Sunni or Shia: if it has good roads and sewers and is well maintained, it is Sunni; otherwise, it is Shia.

Funny, because replace "Shia" with "minority" and you have the exact same picture in the US.

Revolution

Who can actually say what has really happened in Egypt? One day I was listening live to Mubarak saying he will stay in power until Sept and not bow to foreign pressure. The next day he stepped down. And now he is missing, with various reports of strokes and mental illness. Where in the world is Hosni Mubarak??

One thing's for sure: the Egyptians got rid of their dictator, and they managed to stay, mostly, nonviolent. One for the history books kids.Yay! Now we all watch, to see if it actually turns into a democracy. Also, the rest of the region is going to hell (or a better place) with Yemen, Bahrain, Iran, Lybia, Palestine... all seeing protests of various sizes and efficacy. Who can say what will happen next?

Here is a video on possible Israeli-Egyptian relations Video

And while I am loathe to give credit to American's for the uprising (though some are trying so hard to take it), here is link to a wonderful set of ideas... non-violent revolutionary literature and it's author. Click on the link "From dictatorship to democracy". Guess what's next on my reading list?