So I picked up a copy of the Fountainhead at the Barnes and Noble at Union Square. I was sitting in my friends room keeping her company, reading and eating cheesecake (delicious). She saw what I was reading and asked why I decided to pick it up.
I said something like "I heard it was really good - and it is- and I'm interested in her philosophy." It was perfectly true, but not even half of the real reason. It was a side reason, incidental, icing on the cake when I saw that book in the store and snatched it up.
When I was 16 or 17 I asked my guy friend how you could ever sleep with someone you hated. I was naive at the time and confused at the torrid love affair that was happening between two overly artistic, philosophically and appropriately angsty acquaintances who ostensibly hated each other. My friend turned to me, took me to a bookshelf - we were in the library - pulled down The Fountainhead and said that I should read this and I would understand. Years later I found the book in that bookstore and decided it was time.
I'll let you know if the book enlightens me. Either way, that was the real reason I was reading it. I have no idea why I didn't tell my girl friend that. Was it too personal? Maybe we just arne't that close and I didn't know it until then. Was I sounding the other answer off her? Did I not want to get into it? Is this caught up with me pretending to be other than I am - because I am now sure that I have been doing that?
I have a way of not telling a lie but not saying the thing that is most true. There are so many true things. No reason is ever the full reason. I am large, I contain multitudes. But why did I feel like I was cheating this time when I gave her that harmless answer?
She said that she thought that Ayn Rand's philosophy was impractical and selfish. "Well ... yes. "
Just more angsty food for thought.
P.S. Im going to the premiere of Hancock!
1 comment:
Selfish, yes - Impractical, no.
Interestingly, I think your response was more likely to alarm your friend than if you had told her the real reason.
If your friend was expressing derision when she asked what you were reading, she probably was familiar enough with Ayn Rand's ideas to know that she didn't like the philosophy. Your answer that you were interested in the philosophy likely provoked her. Your real reason would have been less likely to cause a fight response.
M
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