The Unconscious and Entonophobia

Went to the gym today for the first time with a friend. At around the 22nd minute I  was mortified to realize that I had been jogging directly in front of an old interest of mine. Not to be all giggly and girly, it just brought to my attention the perhaps meaningfulness of the things we do unconsciously  and the great self doubt it can create. Did I do that unconsciously? Or did he come in and set up shop behind me?

Self-doubt is a dangerous thing,  because your fears can never truly be affirmed or denied by someone else.  Yet it keeps you up late at night, colours everything you do, makes you react strangely and sets the stage for some serious angsting. 

Then again, being a tropical black girl of college age in a competitive university in rural white america leaves many real fears to have; Racism, exclusion, undesirability, failure, stupidity, fear of the future etc, etc. 

The sensible neurotic in me tells me to attack them one at a time.  For the time being I will focus on the one fear that is keeping me out of the state of minnesota.... ticks!

Word of the day : ENTONOPHOBIA