Here is the Mandate

Yesterday I gave a presentation on John Nash. Apparently he was hired at MIT (not his first choice) back when MIT was not considered such a great research institution. The point being.... MIT later WAS considered a great research institution. When did it make the switch? Maybe MIT was already great back when Nash was just being brought into the fold. MIT's lack of a name didn't prevent it from doing great work, or from being better than other places. Public opinion caught up later.

I've been thinking a lot about brand names, specifically of how going to a great school or being affiliated with an accomplished person or being part of a famous organization really doesn't actual signal anything about your own achievements. I know this is a deeply true fact... having worked for a big named place because it was big named and having it fall really really short. I know this to be true, having found great art and people and academics in the strangest of places.

Right now, I am sitting in the Midwest, about to start my research. My advisor, my schools past and present, my professors, my family, my last name have no say here. It's just me and the Math. I hope and fear that I will be judged by my accomplishments.


I must achieve.

Aint that the truth (Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal)

This generation of young folk is witnessing a disturbing break between the promises of a market economy and our economic reality. Hard work no longer means success. Education does not mean marketability. There are simply no jobs. Nothing is certain. Nothing is guaranteed. No one is left to keep their promises. You know things are bad, when the risk of starting your own business from scratch at 24yrs old, are comparable to trying to find a "real" job. I know I speak for the young here, but those old fogies who got laid off must be feeling the same kind of angst.

Many people have started speculating about what this could mean... a whole generation of disaffected youth, who, having lived through this time, will never "recover" even after the economy does. They say, leaving school in this depression/jobless "recovery" will have a permanent effect on the earning potential of this generation. Some even say, these and related frustrations are at the root of the protests of in the Middle East right now.

Read... here and here. Then enjoy the comic below.

Invictus - William Ernest Henley

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul

Retired confessions

"I don't know what I want. I am hoping and I'm afraid that that's the only thing holding me back. What if I am actually held back by ability? What if I never discover a passion?"

Today I retire that confession, though it still haunts me. But I can put it behind me because I am now more sure of my ability than ever before and i am beginning to understand what is important to me. I'll - instead - let you know a little something new about me. "I am a judger. I judge people and I am not ashamed. Dont get me wrong... I understand we all have moments of weakness. I just think that expecting less than the best from someone is the worst kind of condescension; a fine line from the tyranny of lowered expectations. "

Think Less

" One of your strongest skills - your high level thinking - is irrelavant for you current position at this company." - My manager to me last monday

How utterly absurd...

And who will defend me?

check this out

My friend is here visiting from NYC and we were sitting in the living room discussing the H1-B. It's that time ladies and gents. At the end of this month the lawyers will send in our applications. 50% of them will be automatically rejected - randomly chosen to not even be considered. The other 50% will await the kindness of the US government to see if we can continue to work here.

As if our futures were not uncertain enough there is the added complication of the bail-out, the stimulus bill, the depressed economy. My friend is telling me that companies on the TARP - troubled asset relief programme - are not allowed to apply for work visas for their foreign employees. "Buy American" has become "Hire American" and is disturbing in both spirit and effect. Every time there is a problem this coutry kind of rolls up into a ball - like an armadillo, or Buster from Arrested Development. Will they do more harm than good this time? we will have to wait and see....

Ahoy G20!

The Outliers - Malcolm Gladwell

Just finished this book today while stranded in a tunnel on a delayed outbound Red-Line T(rain) ride to Davis. (I'm glaring at YOU MBTA)! I felt a small smug feeling when I found out - in the last chapter - that Gladwell is of Jamaican decent.

Otherwise the book just left me with a feeling of being bombarded with interesting bits of new information, that were arranged in just the perfect way for me to be unable to draw any kind of logical conclusion. What was the point Gladwell? Was it aimed at policy makers; encouraging them to generate more opportunity? Was it aimed at the ordinary man; giving them a way to blame lack of opportunity for a lack of success? Or was it supposed to generate a kind of fatalism? You could be a genius that worked from dawn 'till dusk... Those things are necessary but not sufficient for success... you can still fail, chances are, you will fail. People will still stand in your way, things won't work out, you will be stuck in the drudgery of the everyday... unless you are granted the random opportunity given by luck to those of "good" birth, "good" means, and "good" skin colour.

What am I supposed to do now Gladwell? No answer? Thanks for nothing. Wow, I am a ray of sunshine today.

Flakes, bookshops and Camus

Visited a great little used bookstore in Harvard Square the other day. One of my friends opened Camus' "The Plague" and found a tax return check for $475. She takes it to the counter and the man there breaks out laughing. "She works here," he says. "She's such a flake!"

I thought about it. That is ridiculous, but exactly the kind of thing I would do. She placed her check -probably as a bookmark - into the book, and somehow, without remembering, shelved it in the bookstore and then - responsibly - filed for a new check, but still...

That woman, is me . I love her, with all her flaws.

Love is Blind, right? - Newsweek

"Not surprisingly, love also engages a whole lot of brain. Areas that are deeply involved include the insula, anterior cingulate, hippocampus and nucleus accumbens— in other words, parts of the brain that involve body and emotional perception, memory and reward. There is also an increase in neurotransmitter activity along circuits governing attachment and bonding, as well as reward (there's that word again). And there's scientific evidence that love really is blind; romantic love turns down or shuts off activity in the reasoning part of the brain and the amygdala. In the context of passion, the brain's judgment and fear centers are on leave. Love also shuts down the centers necessary to mentalize or sustain a theory of mind. Lovers stop differentiating you from me." reference here...

Love is blind, eh? But to get someone to love you , you still have to go through that thorough period of close investigation, right? You have to earn or win it, right?

And if love is blind, how do we ever manage to fall out of love?

The Root of All Evil

My granny told me that the root of all evil was actually ENVY.

That's an interesting idea. The old adage says that the root of evil is 'money'. But fighting tooth and nail for money implies that one has a goal. To use money, one needs ideas, things you want to do, stuff you want to buy, actual desires! But lacking even that most basic sort of creativity, perhaps the average person falls back on envy of those who want and live and desire and achieve. Ayn Rand would call it... second hand living...


(In case you were wondering. the picture is the personification of Envy from Full Metal Alchemist. He had the power to assume anyone's shape. fitting no?)

Olympic understatement and the Economist

"At the Beijing Olympic, Michael Phelps won his eighth gold medal at the games, beating the record of seven set in 1972 by another American swimmer, Mark Spitz; Jamaican runners won the men's and women's 100-metre races; and Britain chalked up its best medal tally since 1908 by dominating the cycling events. Liu Xiang, China's hurdling hero, apologised to the nation for an injury that caused him to withdraw from his race." Economist August 23rd - 29th 2008, page 6

Ok, so we can tolarate all the silly arguments about who is the better athlete, Phelps or Bolt. (Talk about apples and oranges!) But how can you possibly have an olympic 'report' without even mentioning Bolt's name? No mention of the stunning new world records! No mention of Jamaica dominating the Birdnest! Not even a peep about Bolt's Rogge-baiting dancing antics! But there is more than enough detail about the American and British victories and they even (helpfully) included a little historical data to let the readers know how monumental their achievements were. 'Bias' is a bitter-tasting word, but sometimes it has to be said.

Let's end this rant with a little bit of sillyness

Catchin Up...

wow, third confession for the day... I guess I have a lot of catching up to do. Right now I just want to retire today's confession and make a reminder note for things I must write about:

Let us set aside old confessions: "I don't know if I have the strength for real change"

and face our new bits of self-discovery: "I am lazy"


To write about:

Jamaica and the Olympics

Bisexuality

Grandma

Visiting Home

Saundrene's wedding - and meeting the fiance

Cooking


maybe I can tackle these in groups...

Lessons from "The Fountainhead", part one

I read the Fountainhead (Ayn Rand) recently. I must say, that I loved most of it. The end got a bit preachy, but either way the book has a lot to offer, philosophically and otherwise. So now that there is some distance between it and me - having read some other books - I will return to some of my favourite quotes/lessons. I hope you enjoy...

"He wondered whether he really liked his mother. But she was his mother and this fact was recognized by everybody as meaning automatically that he loved her, and so he took for granted that whatever he felt for her was love. He did not know whether there was any reason why he should respect her judgement. She was his mother; this was supposed to take the place of reasons." page 35

Replace "mother" with any relative you like and it still applies. Even better, if you can, replace "mother" with some relative you don't really know or particulaly like but you are expected to respect. What is this odd combination of dependence, admiration, guilt, debt, trust, obligation ...whatever, that we feel for them? Is this love? Is it that special brand of love that we can only feel for family - blood being thicker than water and all that? Or do we just assume it is because we don't want to be that crass bastard who doesn't love his mother? Is it taboo to even think that your father, your brother, your ageing homely grandmother has to -God forbid! - earn your love? When these same relatives mistreat you, is it petty and premature to just say, "Wow, that person just doesn't love me."

Can we accept this? Is this too hard to bear?