The work of consultants

"Of course arrogance, or at least self-assurance, is a consultant’s stock in trade. That’s what we buy when we buy advice: not just the content of it but the authority, even the grandiloquence, with which it’s delivered. We exchange the anxiety of autonomy for the comfort of following orders. "

From here 

Must remember for my work. 

Speaking of which, a former work colleague - currently engaged -  told me today that he used to have a "tiny" crush on me. Well I never...

Bad decisions for love...

One of my friends, got into school and told me that her boyfriend was planning to move with her when the time came. They do not live together now, but certainly will then, and she seems just too excited about the idea. A couple of months ago, she had made the decision that they would not move in together until he got a job. That situation has not changed, but she has clearly softened her position.

As the heartless pragmatists that I am, I think it's a good idea not to move one's emotionally dependent, oft depressed, unemployed bf into one's home, especially when that would necessitate some financial dependence. But, maybe that's why I'm still single. If it makes her happy, is it a bad idea? I suppose time will tell. But that's the problem with 20/20 hindsight, it accounts for info you couldn't possibly have had at the time. Within reason, are there REALLY any bad decisions when it comes to pursuing love?

And clearly the stakes have changed. Maybe it's "better" for him to move in with her, than for her to move out of his life...

Love is Blind, right? - Newsweek

"Not surprisingly, love also engages a whole lot of brain. Areas that are deeply involved include the insula, anterior cingulate, hippocampus and nucleus accumbens— in other words, parts of the brain that involve body and emotional perception, memory and reward. There is also an increase in neurotransmitter activity along circuits governing attachment and bonding, as well as reward (there's that word again). And there's scientific evidence that love really is blind; romantic love turns down or shuts off activity in the reasoning part of the brain and the amygdala. In the context of passion, the brain's judgment and fear centers are on leave. Love also shuts down the centers necessary to mentalize or sustain a theory of mind. Lovers stop differentiating you from me." reference here...

Love is blind, eh? But to get someone to love you , you still have to go through that thorough period of close investigation, right? You have to earn or win it, right?

And if love is blind, how do we ever manage to fall out of love?

Lessons from "The Fountainhead", part one

I read the Fountainhead (Ayn Rand) recently. I must say, that I loved most of it. The end got a bit preachy, but either way the book has a lot to offer, philosophically and otherwise. So now that there is some distance between it and me - having read some other books - I will return to some of my favourite quotes/lessons. I hope you enjoy...

"He wondered whether he really liked his mother. But she was his mother and this fact was recognized by everybody as meaning automatically that he loved her, and so he took for granted that whatever he felt for her was love. He did not know whether there was any reason why he should respect her judgement. She was his mother; this was supposed to take the place of reasons." page 35

Replace "mother" with any relative you like and it still applies. Even better, if you can, replace "mother" with some relative you don't really know or particulaly like but you are expected to respect. What is this odd combination of dependence, admiration, guilt, debt, trust, obligation ...whatever, that we feel for them? Is this love? Is it that special brand of love that we can only feel for family - blood being thicker than water and all that? Or do we just assume it is because we don't want to be that crass bastard who doesn't love his mother? Is it taboo to even think that your father, your brother, your ageing homely grandmother has to -God forbid! - earn your love? When these same relatives mistreat you, is it petty and premature to just say, "Wow, that person just doesn't love me."

Can we accept this? Is this too hard to bear?