Aint that the truth (Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal)

This generation of young folk is witnessing a disturbing break between the promises of a market economy and our economic reality. Hard work no longer means success. Education does not mean marketability. There are simply no jobs. Nothing is certain. Nothing is guaranteed. No one is left to keep their promises. You know things are bad, when the risk of starting your own business from scratch at 24yrs old, are comparable to trying to find a "real" job. I know I speak for the young here, but those old fogies who got laid off must be feeling the same kind of angst.

Many people have started speculating about what this could mean... a whole generation of disaffected youth, who, having lived through this time, will never "recover" even after the economy does. They say, leaving school in this depression/jobless "recovery" will have a permanent effect on the earning potential of this generation. Some even say, these and related frustrations are at the root of the protests of in the Middle East right now.

Read... here and here. Then enjoy the comic below.

bed time haiku - I know i will never break , but...

I beg for tears now;
One drop to ease the straining
dam behind these eyes

Equal Rights - Peter Tosh 1977

If wars were to stop right now... If we had "peace"... would the problems really go away or would they just be easier to ignore?

At least I'd be a little less upset in the mornings as I listen to BBC online from my little cubicle at work. Maybe I'd would never have to be ashamed for not knowing enough about the world... for not even really thinking about or trying to, much less really fullfilling my responsibility to the other people on this planet

My conversations would sound less hollow. My problems would seem more important. My ambitions more noble. My education more whole.

But we would be worse people. Except we wouldn't even have the chance to fix it, because we would never know.

More importantly all those people, would still be suffering.

Let's do the hard thing and ask for the right things. We will all be better for it.

Listen

Everyone is crying out for peace yes
None is crying out for justice
Everyone is crying out for peace yes
None is crying out for justice

I don't want no peace
I need equal rights and justice
I got to get it
Equal rights and justice

Everybody want to go to heaven
But nobody want to die (father us Jesus)
Everybody want to go to up to heaven
But none o them, none o them want to die

(Just give me my share)

What is due to Caesar
You better give it on to Caesar
And what belong to I and I
You better, you better give it up to I

(I'm fighting for it)

Everyone heading for the top
But tell me how far is it from the bottom
Nobody knows but
Everybody fighting to reach the top
How far is it from the bottom

Everyone is talking about crime
Tell me who are the criminals
I said everybody's talking about crime, crime
Tell me who, who are the criminals
I really don't see them


There be no crime
Equal rights and justice

There be no criminals equal rights and justice
Everyone is fighting for equal rights and justice
Palestine is fighting for equal rights and justice
Down in Angola equal rights and justice
Down in Botswana equal rights and justice
Down in Zimbabwe equal rights and justice
Down in Rhodesia equal rights and justice
Right here in Jamaica equal rights and justice

Cool Runnings

So, every Jamaican who has ever left the island has had to encounter the world's obsession with certain Jamaican things. They play Bob Marley in McLeod Ganj - a small Northern Indian city near the Tibetan border, home of the Dalai Lama. They fake Jerk Chicken in Williamstown - a small one street town in the bushes of Massachussets. But everybody, and I mean EVERYBODY has watched and LOVED Cool Runnings.

Yeah it's a heart warming story. Sure, I'll give you that. And those fake Jamaican accents are so cute and charming. But really... can the world get over it please? The actors werent even Jamaican! Did you know that they show Finnish children the movie and have them send money for the Jamaican bob-sled team.

Either way, I came face to face with this odd phenomenon yesterday when my co-workers insisted that we have a bonding cool-runnings party. They did it in good faith and in good taste. Maybe I'll play along this time...


Today I retire today's confession : I am lazy. Instead let's confess something else: I don't know how to manage money. I spend too much. Where did I get these expectations for the kind of life I want to live? Perhaps I have illusions about who I am.

My work place

Is this a bad sign? What does it say that my work-place is across the street from a Nieman Marcus?

It takes about 50mins for me to get to work from home. Shittastic...

Olympic understatement and the Economist

"At the Beijing Olympic, Michael Phelps won his eighth gold medal at the games, beating the record of seven set in 1972 by another American swimmer, Mark Spitz; Jamaican runners won the men's and women's 100-metre races; and Britain chalked up its best medal tally since 1908 by dominating the cycling events. Liu Xiang, China's hurdling hero, apologised to the nation for an injury that caused him to withdraw from his race." Economist August 23rd - 29th 2008, page 6

Ok, so we can tolarate all the silly arguments about who is the better athlete, Phelps or Bolt. (Talk about apples and oranges!) But how can you possibly have an olympic 'report' without even mentioning Bolt's name? No mention of the stunning new world records! No mention of Jamaica dominating the Birdnest! Not even a peep about Bolt's Rogge-baiting dancing antics! But there is more than enough detail about the American and British victories and they even (helpfully) included a little historical data to let the readers know how monumental their achievements were. 'Bias' is a bitter-tasting word, but sometimes it has to be said.

Let's end this rant with a little bit of sillyness

Boston and Hospital Haikus

Written just before my ultrasound:


Pain sings like echoes
stuck rebounding between these
narrow pelvic walls


I move to Boston on the first of September. I'm kind of pissed actually. I am in Jamaica now feeling that olympic frenzy. I arrived on the 20th and only planned to leave on the 30th so I could make it to Boston in time to move in with the roomies. Turns out the boys struck a deal and are moving in on the 30th. In response, Didem is moving in on the 31st. I will be last to arrive and last to pick a room. What portends! Is this what is to come? Am I ready for Boston and this new life...

Than again, things have always had a stunning way of working out in my favour. Maybe Boston is not ready for me... :)

The mystery of Business Casual

Business casual attire is required for my job. What the hell IS business casual? For guys I can imagine the uniform: the khaki pants and those blue button-down shirts. Add some obsequiousness and you've got the perfect entry level I-banker or undergrad interviewee. But for women, it seems like a god-damn free-for-all. It's the kind of thing that you'll only know when you walk into the office and become painfully aware that you are inappropriately dressed and it's too late to save your dignity and salvage all those precious first impressions.

Oh Lord, I'm angsting again.

I'll see you tomorrow and let you know what I discover. Goodnight

No longer a College Student

I am here in NYC waiting for it to hit. I'm here in limbo, waiting until I can legally work in august, waiting to do things and meet people, waiting to feel the true weight of what it means to graduate. I am an adult I suppose. Should I bemoan my wasted college years? The guys I didn't jump, the classes I didn't take, the time I filled with nothing much this last year. I was ready to graduate, but I don't think I'm ready for life. Maybe I can become a new person in two months.

The Unconscious and Entonophobia

Went to the gym today for the first time with a friend. At around the 22nd minute I  was mortified to realize that I had been jogging directly in front of an old interest of mine. Not to be all giggly and girly, it just brought to my attention the perhaps meaningfulness of the things we do unconsciously  and the great self doubt it can create. Did I do that unconsciously? Or did he come in and set up shop behind me?

Self-doubt is a dangerous thing,  because your fears can never truly be affirmed or denied by someone else.  Yet it keeps you up late at night, colours everything you do, makes you react strangely and sets the stage for some serious angsting. 

Then again, being a tropical black girl of college age in a competitive university in rural white america leaves many real fears to have; Racism, exclusion, undesirability, failure, stupidity, fear of the future etc, etc. 

The sensible neurotic in me tells me to attack them one at a time.  For the time being I will focus on the one fear that is keeping me out of the state of minnesota.... ticks!

Word of the day : ENTONOPHOBIA

Angst and Friendship in the Brave New World

 "One of the principal functions of a friend is to suffer (in a milder and symbolic form) the punishments that we should like, but are unable, to inflict upon our enemies." Brave New World,  Aldous Huxley

Had a massive mood-swing last night. It started out as such a mediocre night, then went to excellent in a heart beat. Then some time around midnight one of my friends was inexplicably angry with me about something - who knew what because the level of anger did not match up with the supposed trespass. I really need to get better at deflecting other people's moods. They end up being my unhappiness way too often. 

On the other hand, I have a good opportunity to avoid that particular set today - until they cool off I suppose - because to day is another friend's happy day:

It's her birthday! But it get's better! She recently found out that she got into Stanford,  Harvard and MIT for grad school. We, her friends, expected nothing less, but it is a great thing to have it all on paper... And so many choices!

Tonight we celebrate! I only hope I can work up the appropriate mood. 

A Very Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas folks. I hope that the holidays have treated you well. Mine have been a mixed bag. In fact, so 'mixed' that I would say it has been bad,

1. My old relative over at formerly known as nearly killed himself in a car crash. But I'll let him talk more in depth about that one.

2. The husband of a church sister of ours was shot dead outside his home. Two men were lurking in the yard and shot at him while he drove out. They didn't take his money, or his car; only his life. Perhaps they didn't have the time. For the first time I am truly afraid to be living in the most violent country on earth.

3. And finally, my father , in his supererogatorty decision to wait for me when I had decided not to go, was made late for midnight mass at Christmas. He spent the entire car ride calling me 'swine', told me to be more like my brother, and banned me from the house for spring break, saying 'mi nuh wah see yuh'. All in all, this shyt came from nowhere. I guess he must have been upset about something. But I'm tired of getting the bad end of every bad mood in that house.

I wonder if he will take it back. No, that will never happen. I wonder if he will bat an eye when I walk away and never come back. All I get is the impression that he is waiting for me to fail so that he can gloat and affirm the impression he has had about me since I was 7. I guess I'll see him on graduation day.

Anyway, I don't fly back to school until the 4th of January. Let's see what we can make of the rest of the holidays.

Grades

I got my first grade. It was good. I feel like the rest will not follow suit though. In retrospect, maybe I should have put in a bit more effort. Maybe not aggravated my professors so much. Then again, in retrospect, I do not see how it could have happened any other way. They's bitches man.

My friend at Smith just graduated. She told me that the only reason she wasn't in tears - of despair that is - is because she is in total willful denial. As much as I have bitched this term about hating school in its currect form -and trust me, I meant every word - I can feel the fear already eclipsing my excitement about graduation. What new things will graduation bring?

I am not ready to grow up. Maybe I'll get married. Become a trophy wife. Join a nunnery. Who will take care of me in the big bad world?

The Fundamental Theorem of Algebra

So I am supposed to be in class right now, I'm pretty sure. But of course, I have no idea where it is. Maybe they moved it... or cancelled it. Either way I feel like an idiot. There was no other reason for me to wake up at 8am.

The rest of the day doesn't sound so appealing either. Real analysis at 10, then a couple of hours before I have to know the proof of the Fundamental Theorem of Algebra - and a sketch of a 40min talk. All the time struggling with the decision of whether to fast for Ramadan. Ramadan started yesterday btw. I'm not Muslim, but all religions of the Book seem to think fasting is a good idea. For cleansing? Meditation? Solidarity with the poor? I'm not quite sure. But, I did it back in Sophomore year, and it was kinda nice. Bottom line though, even if it is chosen and interesting, hunger is torture.

gonna do some research on the Jena 6