Mwuahahahahaha

I am

utterly failing at life.

Ozymandias

Ozymandias

I met a traveller from an antique land

Who said: Two vast and trunkless legs of stone

Stand in the desart. Near them, on the sand,

Half sunk, a shattered visage lies, whose frown,

And wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold command,

Tell that its sculptor well those passions read

Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,

The hand that mocked them and the heart that fed:

And on the pedestal these words appear:

"My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:

Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!"

Nothing beside remains. Round the decay

Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare

The lone and level sands stretch far away.

-  Percy Bysshe Shelley

Jamaican in China

My brother is over in China for a developing-nation energy seminar thingy right now. He was sent as Jamaica's representative, so I can kind of forgive him for missing my graduation. You can check out his blog at Verdego.

It's kind of cool that China is doing all these things. Of course, people are worried about their intent... pouring money into the Caribbean, Africa, South America.... But you have to appreciate them. They don't come and rape and pillage. They don't come just to take advantage. They come and they build. They transfer knowledge. Their business seems like good business for all.

Hate Crime

• •  Below is a facebook conversation with a friend
    
    
    
    
    Him: oh btw....did i tell you about my beating?
• Me:
  

  about an hour ago

  • ?
  • no
• Him:
  

  about an hour ago

  • a couple of weeks ago...i was walking back home from a friend's place ...a party....got jumped by 4 white guys.....got pretty much the shit kicked out of me
  • my shoulder's messed up....doing physical therapy these days
• about an hour ago

  Me:

  • !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • wtf!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • are you OK...ish?
  • no permanent damage right?
  • did you get a look at them?
  • tell the police?
• Him:
  

  about an hour ago

  
  

  • yeah....improving... have not been to the gym in a month...
  • not permanent no...hopefully...
  • yeah...they drove by me on my way back....yellled at me ....slowed the car down....i told em to fuck off...they parked the car...ran to me...told me to apologize....and i did...cuz i didnt want trouble....and they said i needed to apologize to them individuallly...i just tried to get out of the way and get home...and got called a brown bastard....and i told em they were being racist....
• 
  
• Him: 

  
  

  • at which point they decided to fuck me up...i got one guy in the face...but the others wrestled me down and kicked the crap out of me...i was unconscious for a few mins before some people from a frat house across the street came out and helped me up
  • the police

    came*....they took a statement ....and pics and a police report was 

    filed
• Me:
  

  about an hour ago

  
  

  • I think Im going to cry
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    Yes, I cried. I can't even articulate how angry, upset and terrified this makes me... on his behalf, on my own behalf. This stuff actually happens. Not just in movies. Not just far away or long ago. But here and now to your family and friends. I can't forget that this happened. I can't for one second forget.

Got my Masters

I am a Master of Science in Mathematics.

I.Feel.Awesome.

Retired confessions

Retiring: "Sometimes I fake emotions. I wonder if they can tell."


Admitting: "I have no plan. I honestly thought life would end before this."

Here is the Mandate

Yesterday I gave a presentation on John Nash. Apparently he was hired at MIT (not his first choice) back when MIT was not considered such a great research institution. The point being.... MIT later WAS considered a great research institution. When did it make the switch? Maybe MIT was already great back when Nash was just being brought into the fold. MIT's lack of a name didn't prevent it from doing great work, or from being better than other places. Public opinion caught up later.

I've been thinking a lot about brand names, specifically of how going to a great school or being affiliated with an accomplished person or being part of a famous organization really doesn't actual signal anything about your own achievements. I know this is a deeply true fact... having worked for a big named place because it was big named and having it fall really really short. I know this to be true, having found great art and people and academics in the strangest of places.

Right now, I am sitting in the Midwest, about to start my research. My advisor, my schools past and present, my professors, my family, my last name have no say here. It's just me and the Math. I hope and fear that I will be judged by my accomplishments.


I must achieve.

I have a PhD committee!!

I am getting my masters is Mathematics on May 4th. I can't believe it. Yet I look forward.... I am here for a PhD after all. I just got an advisor - a total badass - and a PhD committee. After June I'll be done with all my exams and will start REEEESSSEEEEAAAARRRCH!

I'm excited that I will never have to really care about homework or exams for the rest of my life. I'm terrified that from now on I will be expected to produce original Mathematics. Thus will pass the next 4 years of my life.

Baby

My friend, whom I visited in Malaysia last summer... just had a beautiful baby girl. She had been been about 2 weeks pregnant when I was there. It's so great, because, she has a back injury and wondered even back when we were in high school together, whether she could ever carry a child to term without permanently paralysing herself... or worse.

Blessing.

THIS is what I want to do for the summer

I'm trying to figure out what to do for the summer and this article came out today in the Jamaica Observer (national newspaper).

Even the way the article was written speaks to an innumeracy in the both the writer and the audience.

I'm about to have a Masters in Math. I'm passionate about education. I'm willing to learn. I think I can help.

Read

The Watcher by Charles Maclean

Fatigue

I always wonder why I'm in grad school, when I've never really liked classes. Honestly, I hate tests, I can't stand class-time and some of the few moments of unhappiness in my life have occurred performing the busy-work that is HOMEWORK.

I was especially feeling the burn this week, when I got really frustrated with a prof docking a ridiculous number of points on an assignment not for doing anything wrong, but for "lack of detail. When asked, the lack of detail he spoke of was me not repeating facts we had fully established in class. This saddens me. I'm even more saddened by the fact that at the ripe old age of the age I am, I still have to fuss about POINTS on HOMEWORK!!!!!

If all goes well, I'll be done with classes forever come June. Does that mean I can't/shouldn't check out now?

In other news, one of my friends from high school just got engaged. Seems I have to save up for another trip to Malaysia. 2013!!!

Disappointing

One of my students sent me an angry email about me giving her 80% for attendance to-date when she's only missed one class. I replied that there have only been 5 classes so far. #thisiswhyweneedmath

In other news... it's in the 60s in Nebraska in January. Clearly these are the end of days.

Math Nerd Time: Mobius transformations

With a little outside the box/dimension thinking, something difficult becomes easy to grasp.... and oh so pretty

Painting in 3D

Yes

That thing I was wishing for... I got it! The person I wanted agreed to take me on as a student. Now, I just have to convince him to take me with him on his travels.

New Business

There is this article about our generation... "Generation sell" they say. That the essence our generation is the essence of the saleman. Our generation thinks about owning our own business more than any other. Maybe that's because that is the only way to really ensure a future... working for someone else is no longer all it's cracked up to be.

So it is that I am returning to Jamaica for Thanksgiving to start a business with my brother. I will be grad student by day; greentech entrepreneur by night. Sounds implausible? So's a Jamaican girl studying math in Nebraska.

Cheerio

Retired confessions with a little Buddhism

Today I retire the confession: "I self-sabotage. I know what must be done, and sometimes I just don't do it... does this mean I have problems, or that I just don't want the things I think I want?"

All this time in the Midwest has helped me sort out what my desires really are. The painful part of admitting your desires, is admitting the chance you will never have what you want. It's easier to want nothing - that's how the Buddhists deal with life after all - but is it better? Jury's out.

But now I do know that when I self sabotage, it's because I just don't want what I'm pretending to want. I am undisciplined and stubborn.


Now I must confess: Sometimes I fake emotions. I wonder if they can tell.

I wish I wish I wish

There are a couple things I REALLY want right now. They each have the potential to change my life completely. I am powerless before them. I can't play it cool or feign nonchalance. I WANT. I WISH. I HOPE. I PRAY. I am helpless. I am naked.